Children's Day (Catching up on my China days)

So in China we celebrate everything and everyone.

We celebrate Teachers.

Parents.

Women.

The Moon.

The New Year.

And this week we celebrated Children.

And it was awesome.

And it was probably the most stressful week in their lives they've had, but also one of the happiest.

First, the weeks of preparation that have led up to it.  They've been learning their performances and dances and speeches to perform at the English Performances for Children's Day.

They had to do art projects and put their homework on display.

They gave up their recesses some days to practice their English lines or learn choreography.

And their teachers facilitated all of this.

(Enter the time of life of All of my co-teachers being ridiculously stressed out to the point of tears and collapse.)

The Foreign Teachers (Me and my team) were invited to perform a dance to open the festivities.

Which, since our school has split into three competitive departments and we all teach in different ones, we all had to do the performance at the opening of all three department's performances.

So we danced.  Jenessa and Alex (and with help from Laura and myself) assembled and mashed the music and choreographed the dance.  We all learned it, found costumes, made props, and applied stage makeup...

And performed to much confusion (and enjoyment) from a whole crowd of parents and students and fellow teachers.  Yay!

Here is a previous performance of ours that will give you an idea of what this was like.  Credit to my teammate Laura Love for posting it on Youtube for all of us to remember and enjoy again and again...
Mashup of Call Me Maybe and One Direction from our English Festival performance on the stage at Shanxi Modern Bilingual School.  The voice you hear in the video is one of my favorite co-teachers, Miss Sky.
Hope you enjoy =)

Denial

I feel like I woke up yesterday and realized for the first time that I am going home.

And that that's happening in less than 30 days.

I spent the morning with my students, laughing and smiling and taking pictures, and barely holding back tears, realizing it would be the last time I enjoyed a morning like that with them.

It's crazy to think about September, when I was first getting to know my students.  I remember thinking how scared I was of them, that they wouldn't like me, or that I wouldn't know how to teach them.  I remember when teaching felt like hitting a brick wall with my head.  My students probably felt the same way.

I remember when both of realized they were actually successfully learning English.

We've made each other cry.

Sometimes they make me really mad and I can't believe how bad they can be!  Sometimes I am really hard on them and hold them to an exceptionally high standard that is a bit overwhelming.  Or when I scold them for having a really bad class.

We've made each other laugh.

Sometimes there are just incredibly funny things that happen in class.  Like when Miss Bethany uses her funny voice, or does a crazy dance, or pretends to fall on the floor in exasperation, or pretends to throw up when her students do gross things, or when she forgets how to speak English on purpose.  (So her students can correct her, of course).

Or when Sydney pulls his pants all the way up to his armpits because it's so hot in the classroom, or when Emerson calls me Miss Pizza, (I don't laugh in front of him..) Or when Gloria hangs on to my waist and I drag her down the hallway calling me "Ma Ma!" all the way.  Or that Garrett can't sing in his head voice to save his life.  (I don't laugh at him, actually, but it's so sweet.)

We have learned how to love each other. 

Believe it or not, it took a little while to figure out the personality of each class and what made them tick.  It's been one of my favorite parts of teaching.  I know what my students love, what gets them excited, what they think is boring, and what makes them feel successful.

They, in turn, have learned that Miss Bethany loves to get hugs and small gifts and drawings and loves when they sing the songs she has taught them.  And she LOVES when they speak English outside of class that she teaches them!

(They have also learned that Miss Bethany does NOT enjoy getting vitamins from them.  Yuck!)

I think, most of all, that my students know that I love them desperately.  Sure, I *pretend to* get mad when they're naughty, but I know they know it's because I love them and want the best for them.  (Don't tell them I'm just pretending!)

We have shared a year of life together, and will never be the same for it.

And it was yesterday when I finally let myself realize that I only have two classes left with each of them.

Miss Bethany's brain goes... CRAP!!!

And then I begin to run around in a panic and leave school to go get milk tea by myself, and then I realize that I only have 27 days of getting milk tea left, and then I come home to Team Dinner and realize that I only have one more of those, and then I go to my room and my roommate is talking about how much we've learned from each other, and I start bawling my eyes out.

Because I have to leave her.

The girl that was the hardest person I ever had to learn to love.

The person who struggled with my need for so much alone time for so long, and showed me seemingly unending grace and patience (it actually wasn't unending.. but it was pretty close) ;) and who also learned to love me in her own time.

Jenessa.

I can't bear that I have to leave you.  That I'll never have "redemptive painting time", or "let's clean the house time", or "let's re-watch our favorite scene from that movie five times time", or "let's make egg fried rice at midnight time" after that crappy day in June when we get on our plane and fly home.

And I'm not in denial that the crappy day in June is coming anymore.

and so I am sad, and my heart hurts.

I can't bear to leave China.

I can't bear to say goodbye to my students.

I can't bear to leave my teachers, Skye, Emma, Ivy, Mandy, Lily, Evelyn.

I can't bear to leave Summer and Tina and Sarah and Paula and Nina, and even Greg and the English Camp, and BEN and Jin HONG, and Chris and Michael and Lebron... and there's so many more names it's a bit ridiculous to write them all here.

It's hard to believe how much love I have for them.

There's really no conclusion to this except that the realization of sadness is when healing begins.

(at least for me)

So right now (and after three hours of sobbing last night) my spirit is quiet and resting knowing that there is no possible way that I love ANY of these people even close to how much the Father loves them.

And He's got them in His hands.

"Strength for the Journey, Courage for the Days Ahead"

No sentence could be more appropriate for what I'm experiencing this week.

I am in Thailand at our Annual Thailand Conference, hereafter ATC, being poured into by other teachers, staff members and friends of our organization.  What a blessing!!

Some quick points and what's on my mind right now:

• I miss you!!  Being in China means, for the most part, no Facebook, Blogspot, Goodreads, Youtube, Twitter, etc.. (any social networking site or seemingly anything I need or would like to access.)  I'm not sure if that's because of the Great Firewall, or simply a problem with my own computer.. I can't be sure.
• I miss China!  Although I'm enjoying 'vacation' and traveling around Thailand/China I miss my students and friends in Taiyuan so much.  I even miss the cold!!!
• I miss music.  Being here at ATC, being able to experience great music in a wonderful corporate setting with wonderful people is so encouraging to my soul.  I can't describe it as physical pain, but not having music in my life in a significant way has been so hard to experience.  I didn't understand the depth to which music affected my daily life and was so necessary and essential to who I am.  I had to leave my french horn behind, don't have access to a piano (except for two days a month) and don't have any outlet for my musical energy except to listen to music and sing by myself or, occaisionally, with my team.  Needless to say, I listen to a LOT more music than I ever did while being a music major.  In fact, I've probably exponentially multiplied the total music that I have listened to my whole life by about 4, just in the six-ish months I've been in China.  (A Beethoven Piano Sonata is happening right now.)  I HAVE had the motivation, certainly, to practice guitar, and can play pretty much any four chord song that exists but not much else.  
• Next steps: return to Taiyuan and see if I can rent a french horn from a music store.   :)  
• Continue practicing guitar.
• The problem of sporadic communication:
• I have so many stories to tell you it's actually discouraging to blog at all.  The thought of how much I have missed updating you on is a little embarrassing and just generally daunting.  I've thought about it and decided to just start where I am and go from there.  I can't make up for or change the fact that it is impossible to blog on a site that I can't access where I live.  I don't know how to fix that.  As much as I can do in the time I have here in Thailand is all I can promise, but I will do my best to share as much of my life and work here as possible!
• A heart for the people <3
• I have now been in China for all of six months and my heart has been captured by the people here.  Words cannot express the joy or fulfillment I have in serving and working with these precious people.  I am looking forward to sharing the stories that I ALREADY have and the ones that I will have in the coming months with you.  I am certain that what you don't know yet will become precious to you as well -- as I'm able to share them with you.
• A serious question:
• Do you have a passion for people?  For serving others?  For sharing the Life you have been gifted with?  For Asia?  For Teaching?  There is a huge need for more teachers to come to Asia, (China, Mongolia, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, and more) and I ask seriously, if you're being led in that direction at all, to consider the possibility of joining the work being done here.  Ask me questions, send me an email, I will respond and connect you!

Wang Laoshi, Teacher Wang

One of the highlights of this, my first week in Taiyuan, (the city I will be living and teaching in for the next ten months) has been the delightful car rides with our driver, Mr. Wang.  He is the Head of the Transportation Department at Shanxi Modern Bilingual School, SMBS, where we will start teaching Monday. :)
At first, when the three American girls piled in his car to go to the police station to get residence permits, he didn't say much.  But after a little "Ni hao, ni zhenmeyang?" (Hello, what's up?) .. (pardon my loose translation..)  And a little singing along to his party mix of music, he started to chat with us.  Or rather, chat AT us, because to be honest, we weren't getting much transfer of information to happen.  However, using some of my very rudimentary Chinese, I let him know that we were all Americans, we were all teachers, and that our Chinese was not good.  "Wo de Zhongwen bu hao."
Then, the Chinese lessons commenced.  Wang Laoshi was at the wheel, driving us through the buzzing, dusty streets of Taiyuan, pointing at things and telling us the Chinese names.  Occasionally he would say a phrase in Chinese and ask us how to say it in English.  I did a lot of "wo ting bu dong" (I hear, not understand) and he would laugh and say "ni ting bu dong" right back.  (you hear, not understand.)

I learned so much Chinese in two car rides with him, including:

• the names of almost every vehicle likely to be found on the streets of any city, including
• truck
• car
• bike
• motorbike
• fire truck
• taxi
• cement truck
• van
• small van
• bus
• trolley
• electric bike
•   Random vocabulary to do with music, such as:
• Mongolian music
• Singing,
• Dancing,
• louder/softer
• Shanxi music
• And much, much more.

These encounters produced so much joy, and encouragement.  You have no idea how exciting it is to learn and be able to remember a new word!!  Mr. Wang totes made my day with his willingness to use two-year-old vocabulary with us during all of our rides.  I hope to see him many more times!!

 

P.S. Roomie commitment was made today.  In addition to our page of "Things we are Thankful For Today" that we write each night, we will also look up one Chinese word/Character to learn and practice and write down.  Let's see if we can do it.  Tonight's word is brown sugar, because we had a hilarious time in the store today trying to find it.  I think I asked where the "red salt" was, at one point.  Whoops.

Best Day Ever :)

At this point in my first journey to China, two years ago, I was leaving China after four weeks, and was totally ready to go home.  

It's hard to believe I've been here for a month, but I'm not ready to go home.  That realization hit me yesterday on the bus into town in the middle of the Best Day Ever.

I woke up early to find that the internet wasn't working, so I went into the kitchen, turned on my ipod to shuffle, and started washing dishes.  It was my third full day in Taiyuan, and I was still getting settled in, still unpacking, and still cleaning up the dust that accumulated over the summer on our floors and walls and dishes and everything else not sealed up.  I decided that I didn't want to wash all our dusty dishes with cold water AGAIN, so I turned on the kettle to boil some water.

• I love cooking with gas =)

I realized in a second that I'd have to figure out how to plug our kitchen sink -not having a plug handy- if I wanted to wash with hot water.  So, I geniusly stuck a piece of plastic between our drain and the hose attachment.  Bingo.  The sink was plugged.  (getting it unplugged resulted in lots of splashes.. but who cares!?) Thank goodness for the flexible-ness of this country.  This means that sink drains are not permanent fixtures, but rather, flexy tubes that can be pulled off and out and up and around at will.  

Next, prior to eating lunch, my roommate Jenessa and I joined our upstairs counterparts for some well earned P90X. Plyometrics, if you're wondering.  My month of sitting in class and lazing around Beijing left we weak-kneed and shaking after our intense hour of way-too-many-squats-at-once.  

• I love exercise =)

A well earned shower later, we were ready to clean a bit more before we headed off to the bank to exchange money.  We took our bus (number 831 stops right at our school!) to the busier part of the city and walked a few blocks to exchange our dollars for renminbi.  After our very long interaction, finally resulting in a successful exchange, we went to get some milk tea to celebrate!  (My teammates stopped at Macdonalds for some nourishment.)  This part of the day involved some VERY DELICIOUS street food created out of fried bread and sliced carrots + potato.  I don't know how to describe it except that it was awesome.

• I love street food in China =) (And being able to buy it myself!)

The next part of the Best Day Ever was the part where we all got a massage.
Yes.
Be Jealous.
There is something fabulous about having all your soreness rubbed away in the space of an hour.  If you ever need your outlook on life improved, try it.  We got blind massages, which means not that we couldn't see anything, but that the people who were serving us were either blind or had some other disability.  Talk about being given a gift.  I was so overwhelmed at how much I felt ministered to during that hour.

• Massages are one of my favorite things in the world. :)

Walking down the street afterward I felt so incredibly relaxed.  Wow!  We stopped at a stationary store and enjoyed SO MUCH GREAT CHINGLISH!!  
About this time, we noticed that the smog that had been settled around the city since we arrived had thinned out.  We could see the sun and clouds and blue sky!!  

• I LOVE the sky (and actually being able to see it!)

We were serenaded by a street concert of musicians singing karaoke.  They were all in wheelchairs or displayed some other disability.  My heart was filled up so much, I couldn't help but stand there and smile. :)  Two of my passions met on one street corner, and it was beautiful. =)

• I love special needs and I love music. =) waah!

We bussed home again and Jenessa and I made mac and cheese and went shopping for groceries!  It's amazing what you can get in a teeny store just across the street from the school. =) We bought milk and eggs, potatoes, onions, carrots, ginger, garlic, celery, and bananas.  :) It was exciting!

• I love feeling like I can DO things!

Finally, we went to bed and wrote down a huge list of things we were thankful for.  It was a good way to end our day. =)  We are so thankful to be so well provided for!!

  

Nine Days, Nobody's Counting!

What an incredible experience!

If I were to come home now, having only experienced what I have experienced so far, that is surely what I would say.

My first few days here were full of team bonding experiences.  The Beijing Amazing Race, (Go Team Taiyuan!) The TFP Olympics, (alas, we did not also win the Olympics, although we did take gold in the "Hunter, Bear, Ogre" game!) and many team meals and study/discussion times.  I dearly love my teammates and I'm sure I'll introduce you all to them soon!  Until then, I'm going to insert a shout-out to my lovely teammate Laura Love, who had her birthday on the 6th, and my Mom, on the 7th!  Happy Birthday!!

*Seven Highlights of my past week-and-a-bit*

• Absolutely incredible plane rides.  
• I met lots of friends and saw some absolutely gorgeous scenery!  The aftermath of travel was not so fun..
• Getting to know all my fellow TFP'ers.  We are all a special bunch!
• It's awesome to hear the stories of how each of us were brought here.  It's especially awesome to think about each of these lovely people sharing life with their students in the next year!
• Spending some time with my team getting to know our lovely team leader, Susie!
• This lady is awesome, people.  It has been truly wonderful to hear about the students we will be working with from her.  She is great at speaking peace into my heart too!  The other team leaders are pretty legit' too!
• Hearing about how the Father is working here.
• Enough said!  Can't wait to share more with you about that in the future!
• Learning teaching methods and strategy and practicing them in class! 
• It's super exciting to be so close to be meeting my students and getting to implement everything I'm learning!
• Chinese food! Lots and Lots and Lots.
• Random spurts of unwitting communication in Mandarin!
• Like with the baozi (bow-dzih, big round dumplings) makers, hotel cleaning staff, and taxi drivers. 
• SLEEP!  
• I need more sleep than I ever have before.  Haha, I feel like a kid again, going to bed before ten almost every night!
• The Great Wall! 
• Best day =) I met a friend named Jane who was in fifth grade and taught me a lot of Zhongwen, Mandarin. =)  I told her I had a best friend named Jane and she was very happy.
• Having my dear friend Erin here!

I am thankful for all of you and thinking of you often!!
Until next time!!

* Me and my new friend, Jane!  I met her on the wall, we commiserated about how tired we were, "wo lei le!", "Wo ye lei le!" Then we took a xiu-xi (rest) together.

Mandarin phrase I practiced today: Wo de Zhongwen mingzi shi Gao Bei Si.  My Chinese name is Gao Bei Si. :)  I'm also learning Psalm 23 in Mandarin.  I have verse 1, so far.  Woo!

 

Taiyun!

This is where I will spend the next year of my life. :) About....

Teaching Elementary school!!  Wooo!!

Starting is sometimes saying "Yes"

Text today at 11:22 am:  "Amy!!! I'm going to China!!!!"
(Amy is handling my application and stuff.. She's such a helper!  I'm blessed!)

Yes, =)  I am.  (She screamed, haha!)

I have sent my formal commitment off and and am committed to spending 11 months in China next year!

I've felt very strongly this week that I would be going but I knew I was waiting for something before I could say yes for sure.  That something came this morning when my Dad woke me up this morning to tell me he would be happy to support me in my trip, and that he thought it would be a great experience for me. :)

This was a very unexpected and wonderful answer to prayer.  I didn't know if I would go having the complete support of my parents and I'm so glad that I do and have waited for it. :)

I'm so thankful this new chapter is beginning.  I'm thrilled to look ahead at what's to come!  Also, I am loving reading all the blogs of the teachers who are in China now!  So much to look forward to!!

Now for what comes next IRL... get my homework done before Thanksgiving break..

One day until my birthday!!

You always have to start somewhere :)

I am writing my first blog post tonight.  This is a significant moment in my life right now. I am about to make one of the biggest decisions I have ever made and I have just passed one of my biggest milestones to date.

This past week I heard that I was accepted to go to China for a year to teach!!!  (!!!!!) I'm planning on letting them know soon whether I'm committed to spending a year teaching in China.

And just yesterday I successfully pulled off my senior recital. :)  So much excitement!!  So much is happening!!

I also made Chai for the first time in my life yesterday.  :) We loved it so much that we made it again today!  Crockpot Chai, :) So good!  Fresh ginger, cardamom, cinnamon sticks, and cloves!  :) so yummy =)

I am stepping into a new place: A place I'm trusting Him to continue to work in me and through me and touch the lives of the people I meet.

Part of understanding His will, for me, is evaluating my motives for making a certain decision.  I was challenged in this area by one of my lovely roommates who wanted to know WHY?  "Why do you want to go teach in China?"  I responded thunderously:
(I did not respond thunderously, I responded 'thusly' but I was shown that that was not a word.  Thunderously was another option in the spellchecker and I liked it.. :P)

I have a great passion and love for China and the people there.
I love people and want to impact their lives.
I love to teach!
I love Chinese food.
I want to share my love with others.
This is the time in my life when I can do something crazy like this and I don't want to miss it!
I love the idea of serving on a team of committed, loving people who will challenge me and help me grow.

I said all those things and a lot more that I can't remember right now. :)  Soooo,
I know that Chinese food is a totally selfish reason!  But, when you read understanding that I LOVE American food and will miss it terribly, it doesn't sound SOO selfish, does it?

So, aside from the strange desire to do something crazy.. most of those motives were healthy. =)
That has been a reassuring thought I've reminded myself of when I've doubted that leaving the country for a year is a good idea.  I've also remembered that this is something I've been prepared for through my study and my previous visit to China.  It's not going to be easy, but I'm well equipped to proceed with this decision.
Another thing that has helped give me peace is the knowledge that I didn't apply to teach in China on a whim. It's something that has been stewing around in me for a good long while.

It seems like everything in my life is coming together and building up to this moment.  :)

Fill me up and send me out.

That's all my thoughts for now.  I have to focus on the present and finish writing.. I mean start... my paper that's due tomorrow!
6 days until my birthday!